Relationships Advice: Strength in apology

In a society where image is everything and we’re constantly trying to prove ourselves in one way or the other, apologising could be viewed as a sign of weakness.

When we were younger and misbehaved, apologising usually required the intervention of an adult…. and we would do this very, very reluctantly.

Fast-forward to decades later, this reluctance has not changed. What has changed, however, is whether or not the apology actually happens ; and if it does happen eventually, our actions afterwards.

When we were kids

For children, the concept of forgiving and forgetting is not far fetched. As I interact with them daily at my workplace, I am constantly amused by the way fights escalate between the best of friends; and then the rate at which their friendship fully recovers after such disagreements, which seem so dire, as if nothing ever happened in the first place.

Adulting

For adults, I find that “forgive and forget” is, in many cases, theoretical, as a result of our pride or our natural instincts to become defensive. We do not want to look weak in front of each other because owning up to our shortcomings and apologising for our wrongdoings makes us feel just a little ashamed or insecure.

However unfortunate it might seem, one of the most beautiful things about human beings is our imperfection, so we are bound to make certain mistakes during our interactions and the ability to reflect and learn from these mistakes creates room for growth.

In relationships with friends, family and significant others when emotions are at stake, this act of forgiving and forgetting is so critical to ensure that we demonstrate our love and respect for each other, as well as maturity. Some people even give this ridiculous relationship advice where they ask you to pick a fight with your significant other and observe the way they behave in response to your actions.

 

This piece of advice is usually given at the beginning of a relationship, where things are going very smoothly and each party is doing “the most” to give their best impression to the other. The way the other person reacts to what might even be an irrational argument gives a hint about the person’s personality and how they compose themselves during tough situations: a glimpse of what behavioural traits they may observe in the future when guards are laid down and people start to become their true selves.

This tests whether or not they have what it takes in character to forgive the other person for their actions. It’s also suggestive of the level of love and respect they have for the other person. However, we must be mindful of actions that are forgivable and those, which are completely unacceptable. This is dependent on environmental factors such as education, upbringing and religion. What might be acceptable to one might not be to another.

 

But at the end of the day, the ability to reflect and accept our mistakes or wrongdoings and say sorry takes a lot of humility. Some people cannot bring themselves to doing this directly due to pride or shame, and will go around the situation and try to carry out other actions to demonstrate that they are sorry. But I believe that what people want to hear are the simple words, “I am sorry”, rather than receiving flowers, expensive gifts and other random acts of service. If you really care about a person and have enough respect for them, you would say the words.

Humility is indicative of strength of character.

Written by Oyin Egbeyemi.

Oyin Egbeyemi is an engineer-turned-consultant-turned-educationist, runner and writer.

source http://www.pulse.ng/communities/bloggers/relationships-advice-strength-in-apology-id7879357.html