Most recent findings and discoveries about sex

Funmi Akingbade

Hi, my numerous ardent and vivid followers out there, I must commend you for your passionate followership and your relentless efforts in craving for knowledge and your insatiable appetite for more. Today, I would talk about some of the most recent findings and discoveries about sex that I have made over the weeks. Enjoy them and revert back to me with questions, feedback and reaction. Have a wonderful time of reading.

 Many of my readers, both male and female, have been asking over and over again if they should employ the assistance of alcohol for good sexual performance. Most of them argue that they really perform better with the assistance of liquor especially men who have issues with erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation. The relationship between alcohol and sex is a tricky one. Although it can help couples open up to healthy sexual activities, as you can imagine, it can also lead them into dangerous situations as well. So, how does alcohol affect our sex lives exactly?

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Alcohol lowers couples’ inhibitions, though it doesn’t actually increase libido. It can ease the couples’ anxiety and help them move past the issues that have kept them from being extremely sexually active or hyper-active.

Some couples say with alcohol, erotic talk seems easier. This is for many husbands whose primary aim of sex is about performance. This most times suffocates a man’s instinct to initiate good sexual activities, especially when he has over the years battled anxiety of performance. A small amount of alcohol can reduce such fear of a poor outcome and increase his sexual courage.

For many couples who are daily under the pressure of stress, intake of heart friendly alcohol can help them focus on the present. Stress is one of the most common reasons for lower sexual frequency. Alcohol’s depressant properties in most heart-friendly wine slow down the neurons in the brain temporarily, lowering pressure and tension from worries. And optimal sex requires couples to focus on the sensations in the body; letting go of their stressors and endless to-do lists. But however, moderate and less frequent intake of such liquor is recommended.

A wife recently told me that the only reason she takes alcohol and makes her husband do same briefly before sex is that it gives her this increased feeling of being attracted to her husband, after having to go through normal virginal deliveries of twins back to back which have taken a negative toll on her body shape. This has helped her a lot and revived the sexual intimacy between her and her husband. Actually, studies have shown that people rate others as more attractive after drinking than when judging the same people without consuming alcohol. Attraction is actually a variable quantity that is influenced by how we are getting along, our feelings of connection, our own state of mind as well as what our spouse looks like. But like I said, this may only work temporarily.

Another husband told me that he takes alcohol before having sex with his wife to help his sense of judgment. He said it makes him not to get bored with his wife during sex because his wife only prefers the same way of love-making after many years of marriage, which is so boring and uninteresting to him. So, in order not to get pissed off, or stop having sex with her, he against his will takes alcohol.

Alcohol carries inherent risks as a substance. For many couples, the risk of alcoholism is very real and any drink might cause them to fall back into an addiction. Certain health conditions and medications have a contraindication for alcohol. And some research has suggested a possible link between regular alcohol consumption with cancer and other diseases.

 Too much alcohol for too long often causes poor erectile dysfunction. For wives, it can dehydrate their vagina, making penetration to be uncomfortable, even painful. And for many husbands, it can invariably increase premature rate and lead to erectile dysfunction.

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It has been discovered that erectile dysfunction  challenges are the most major risks for heart diseases in men. Men whose impotence is vascular-related, not emotional, are twice as likely to suffer a heart attack, stroke or sudden cardiac death. This was true even without other heart risk factors such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol or a history of smoking. The link between impotence and heart disease appears to be a two-way street case. Husbands who have had a heart attack appear to face a higher risk for ED. Experts have long observed that impotence is associated with poor cardiovascular health, but it was thought that obesity, high blood pressure and diabetes were some of the reasons. This study found that impotence on its own is a significant risk factor. Therefore, whenever you have difficulties with sex, go and check out on your heart, it may be an early sign to look after your heart.

 Husbands should be aware that men usually hit their sexual peak at 18. This is true and a fact, at least regarding a man’s level of testosterone, which peaks at 18. However, peak hormone levels don’t equate to peak sexual performance.

Men and women think differently before and after sex, most especially after sex. I can recollect that many spouses, intending couples and even young adults have asked these questions over and again. ‘I don’t even know what he thinks of me after sex, do you think she thinks I am good sexually? The thoughts of men and women after sex are so important to their spouse. A spouse wants to know what is in the mind of their partner and the knowledge of this goes a long way framing their overall concept of sex, marriage relationship and attitude towards their life partners and life in general.

Women are always conscious of what the husband they have just made love with is thinking. If you are also dying to know what your man probably thinks after making love to you, you have come to the right place.

 New groom wonders what to tell his bride after having sex: should he pay compliments about her prowess in bed? Should he enumerate all the pros and cons of her love making style? Should he just lay still and wait for her to get up and clean up? Or just sleep off after?’

 A high percentage of first timer men love to say something, do something, but ego, culture and tradition mostly always hold them bound and speechless. Oddly, few men get it right here; they do not just get up and clean up or roll to the other side of the bed and snore off,  they lay there still, cuddle the lady in their arms and whisper loving and caressing words to her. This act does not only help seal the sexual act, the new bride automatically trusts her man unconditionally.

There is nothing more important to a woman than trust. This singular act prepares her for a stable relationship; it is an assurance that you will be there when she needs you. It is very important for a woman to know that you are going to be faithful to her, be it emotionally, sexually or physically and with that being there, you will be dealing with fewer turbulences in the relationship.

 The groom has to be thoughtful and kind. Women love men who are kind and considerate. No matter how uncomfortable it will be for you, sitting with her and providing as much comfort as possible when she may be crying from the pain of sex or drawing close to you for reassurance will make her love you all the more. If you have not realised already, women are unconditional when it comes to nurturing the ones they love, so it is only fair to return that to her; this makes her feel respected as well.

Every guy would like to believe that he is the one to send shivers down his bride’s spine, and that he is just brilliant in bed. So yes, surprisingly he would actually be thinking about the bride’s side of the story for once, shocking? Yes! He would like to know how she liked it, and of course you should answer and do not keep quiet and say nothing. He wants to hear, ‘you are the best, I feel I needed more, that was excellent.’ This fires him up; the spark from these statements is what fuels a man’s love and vulnerability to the relationship.

After many years in the marriage relationship, ironically men and women still wonder what their spouse is thinking after sex. At this point in time, husbands mostly just want to relax and sleep off. At this point, to the man, sex is not only therapeutic; it is medicinal, relaxing and healthy especially when the intercourse is a rigorous one.

 After sex, men like to lie in the darkest night and contemplate, not exactly about his wife but about all other life issues. At this stage, the mind is now clear and the issues at hand are better handled because sex earlier on had helped clear his mind. He can think better, reason clearly and act productively. At this stage, I always advise men to put their wives in the picture. When the wife is aware that sexual activities with her can help your life productivity she will perform better and stop thinking you do not care when you sleep off immediately after sex.

But this is when the wife wants some strange sexual escapades, why; she is no longer afraid of any accidental pregnancy, fear of the unknown; she is relaxed emotionally to make some demands. So, she thinks about loving sexual relationship with her man, all things being equal. So, when you see your wife always loving to cuddle and get cozy with you, understand her thoughts. Make her feel equal sexually. Women want to feel that they are on the same page with as their spouse when it comes to having access to sexual demands.

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 Several surveys have shown that women expect to see a sexy friend in their partner; they fantasise to be with a man who commiserates with their sexual failures and celebrates their sexual successes. So, when the husband keys in, you are making her happy without being asked to. This gesture can be enhanced when husband lends a helping hand without being asked and making her feel sexy by your attitude. To be continued next week.

Questions and answers

After all men have close friends other than their wives

My wife believes I cheat on her, I did but trying to stop. I try to make her know my stand, yet she wants to read my mails, SMS, BB messages, so I delete my messages and when she gets to have my phones, she insists I am not straightforward. She threatens to leave with the children, does she have the right to my personal life? After all, all men have close friends other than their wives.

 Mr Sashimi Odeon

Cheating does not mean you must kiss or have sex with a third party; once you find yourself deleting texts and emails so your wife won’t see them, you are already there. It’s like a cancer; it develops slowly. Many married men most times try to find what they already have outside their homes because they don’t just appreciate what they have. Remember the grass may look greener on the other side but what if you could just invest time and energy by watering the one that you have?

Imagine how strong your relationship will be if you will not waste your energy, resources and time on things that have no future. Secret small hidden relationships are like ticks; they suck all the good things out of your marriage and make it unstable.  It will take you more effort to repair what you would have damaged and the sad thing is, sometimes those wounds might never heal. So why not stop sexting and flirting and invest in your relationship. 

Why do I belch awfully while having sex?

I am newly married but not enjoying my sex life like I should. I noticed that I belch so awfully during sex and this always pisses off my husband. Although he never admits such,  I notice each time I belch, his penis just goes soft and he stands up and gives one lame excuse for not wanting to go on with sex any longer. This is so embarrassing, I have over and again taken care of my mouth but whenever I belch, a foul scent comes out of my mouth and it is more during sex. Please help me before the man starts seeking for sex outside the marriage.

Troubled new bride

Belching or hiccupping or burping could be as a result of lots of things that I will list below. However, you should know that it is not as a result of sex but such could be more noticed during sex when you are always more on missionary position or its varieties or when you are on doggy-style-position often.

For instance, if you drink Soda, beer, and all other sparkling drinks which are made with a gas substance called carbon dioxide, you may likely belch a lot while having sex, because those drinks add extra air into your stomach, which finds its way back up through your mouth, especially when having sex in missionary position.

Two, do you have ulcer, if yes, belching can be a sign of stomach ulcers. You may hiccup more and feel full or bloated after eating some protein or fatty foods.

Three, do you eat your meal in a hurry? If you swallow a lot of food at once or eat too fast, you’ll swallow extra air along the way. Most of this won’t go to your stomach. It will stay in your esophagus, which links your throat to your stomach, until you hiccup it back up, the air just gets trapped there. So slow down when you eat and chew your food well. Keep your portions smaller, too, so you hiccup less.

Four, sometimes, there is an acid produced in the stomach called hydrochloric acid. This acid comes up into your throat, if it is produced in excess. This is more likely to happen if you’re pregnant, obese, or your stomach doesn’t digest food as fast as it should.  Once you feel this “lump” in your throat, you’ll swallow more to try to get rid of it. This can make you hiccup over and again.

Five, do you chew gum a lot? Chewing gum can make you belch since you swallow air while you enjoy them. If you look into these highlighted points and try to make sure you eat long before sex, I can assure you this challenge will be handled peacefully.

Is it normal to have erections while you sleep?

Okoya Moses Aje

Yes, it’s natural to wake up with morning wood, morning glory, rainfall or morning erection; they all mean the same thing. Men usually have three to five erections each night, often while they dream. Medical researchers do not know why they happen, but many researchers say such erections help keep the penis healthy. Besides, morning erection is one of the things sex therapists check for whenever a man complains of penis problem, erection dysfunction, prostrate inflammation, urination infection or sexually transmitted diseases.

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